Why do you keep having the same fight? Why does your partner know exactly how to trigger you? And why—despite loving each other—do you sometimes feel like you're speaking different languages?

Transforming How You Love, Together answers these questions not with theory, but with practical tools you can use today. This practical book guides couples through a five-stage journey of relationship transformation: from understanding the unconscious patterns driving their conflicts to building something meaningful that inspires them both.

More Than Fixing What's Broken
This isn't another book about "communication tips" or "how to fight fair." Those approaches treat symptoms. This book goes deeper.

The real work isn't about changing your partner. It's about understanding yourself—your wounds, your reactions, your protective patterns—and taking responsibility for how you show up. The friction in your relationship isn't a flaw. It's a mirror, showing you the places in yourself still asking to be healed.

But this book doesn't stop at healing what hurts. It guides you toward building something that genuinely inspires you both: a shared vision, meaningful rituals, connection to purpose beyond yourselves, and a legacy worth leaving. Because a relationship isn't just a problem to be solved—it's a vehicle for becoming who you're meant to be.

For Any Stage of Your Relationship
Whether you're just moving in together and discovering how different you really are, navigating the seismic shift of becoming parents, weathering the pressures of careers and young children, or finding yourselves in midlife, wondering "is this it?"—this workbook meets you where you are.

* Just starting out? Build your foundation right. Learn each other's patterns before they become entrenched, and create rituals that will carry you through decades.
* In the chaos of young family life? Reconnect when you're exhausted and 'touched-out'. Protect your partnership while parenting demands everything you've got.
* In the midlife reckoning? Rediscover each other after years of autopilot. Address what's been avoided. Build the relationship you actually want for the next chapter.
* Empty nesters or beyond? Remember who you are together when the distractions fall away. Create meaning and legacy for the years ahead.

Why Another Relationship Book?
There are already so many excellent books explaining why we do what we do in relationships. The psychology. The attachment theory. The neuroscience. You can read them, nod along, and still find yourself in the same fight next Tuesday.

This book is different because it's not about understanding—it's about applying.
Reading about patterns isn't the same as mapping YOUR pattern. Learning about "losing strategies" isn't the same as tracking which ones YOU use and when. Understanding attachment theory isn't the same as seeing how YOUR attachment style collides with your partner's in YOUR specific dance.

Every concept in this book comes with worksheets, assessments, reflection questions, and practical exercises designed to help you move from "that's interesting" to "that's ME—and here's what I'm going to do about it."

This is the book the author wished had existed when she was doing her own relationship work. It takes the wisdom of Terry Real's Relational Life Therapy, Internal Family Systems, Emotionally Focused Therapy, Somatic approaches, and ACT—and translates it into something you can actually use. Not someday. Today.

The Invitation
Your relationship is one of the greatest opportunities for personal growth you'll ever have. Every rupture is an invitation. Every trigger is information. Every conflict is a chance to heal something old and choose something new.

This book won't make your relationship perfect. But it will give you the awareness to see what's really happening, the skills to respond differently, and the framework to build something that doesn't just survive—but thrives.

The only question is: Are you willing to do the work?

Anneriek Favelle is a therapist specialising in couples work, integrating Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), and Somatic approaches. She works with individuals and couples at Inner Growth Therapy in New South Wales, Australia.