The Only High I Need is the first in a series of autofiction books written by Ria Tocsin. The narrative is rooted in the author’s real experiences, emotions and history, but shaped with creative liberties. The books chronicle the many facets of Darcy’s life.

Darcy is a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, but first and foremost, behind the addiction and bravado, she is just a woman trying to survive this crazy world we all live in, where drinking and drug use are much more commonplace than everyone cares to admit. The bloody stuff is everywhere.

Addiction, abuse and mental health problems are killers, and they can take anyone in their clutch, gripping them hard before even knowing it’s there, lurking in the darkness. They stem from so many things, it’s hard to know when they could rear their ugly heads and difficult to know what to look out for. There’s a fine line that once crossed, leads to self-loathing, lying, cheating and not only hurting other people, but also yourself.

This is Darcy’s first story. She’s trodden through the depths of despair and dragged herself through addiction, only just making it out of the other side by the skin of her teeth. She’s suffered loss, endured physical, mental, sexual and financial abuse, from people who once vowed to love and protect her. (That’s a fact!! She has a cupboard full of wedding dresses and marriage certificates to prove it!) As a result of her shockingly poor choices in men, her addiction and selfish ways, she has let her children down massively.

This story, however, doesn’t start with the beginning of her journey - that’s in another book - it starts with her road to recovery. When she felt like there was no hope, she found there was another life out there waiting for her; she just had to embrace the rehab programme.

This is the unfiltered truth of a woman who thought she was beating one addiction, only to become addicted to HIM. She had been battered and bruised in more ways than one, always having some form of grief, abusive, ‘fuck-knuckle’ relationships, and a feeling of being so dirty, she could never be washed clean. Losing herself in Jack and Jim (her 40% proof toxic friends) and Santa’s eyebrow lines of cocaine, she reaches her ultimate rock bottom, becoming a shell of her former self. The voices of doubt told her she wasn’t good enough to be loved. (Ya know, because, unlike most people, she liked to kick herself in the shin and give herself a wedgie, whenever she felt life couldn’t become any worse).

On the brighter side, however, she finds that the only way out of this cesspit of despair is rehab, where she finds hope, happiness and understanding. Oh, and a forbidden love, with the unlikeliest of souls there. A cheeky chappy, from a little town called ‘Liar-liar-pants-on-fire’, who had a zest for life she craved. But their relationship was prohibited; a red flag that blew in the breeze, like a beacon of hope for some reason… (coz Darcy is a ‘dick’, who can’t help it. She is an addict after all, and ‘HE’ matched the colour of her lipstick perfectly!) Even though they were worlds apart, they came together through laughter, tears, sarcasm, bravado and mutual understanding; they became inseparable.

Now, is this story true, or is it just a tale? You decide.